2004-12-16 - 10:36 a.m.
I have become the crazy cat lady. I always knew this day would come, but I didn't suspect it would come so soon, I always imagined myself the crazy cat lady in my elderly years, surrounding myself with multiple cats in the hope that they will keep me from being lonely. But Now I am the crazy cat lady, not even twenty one yet, and I can't make friends, I can't keep friends, and if it was't for Beau, I would be totally alone. Tuesday Night I invited Jaimie over from work, she seems pretty cool, and we share the same intrests, so I thought maybe we would get along well enough to become friends, but after about an hour of meaningless getting-to-know-you conversation, we sunk into an akward silence, and she turned heel and ran out the door. I can't even Keep the friends I used to have, Brandon, EJ, Chris, Julie, Jon, Kaleb, Ashley, Jason, none of them ever hear from me anymore, and I don't hear from them either. Perioically we run into each other and make those promises that one day we will hang out very soon, but it never comes. I never hear from Mika anymore, who's friendship had withstood Junior High, Me moving across Texas, a seemingly eternal Virginity, and him at college in Waco. But Now I Never get letters, and rarely get an email. Same thing with Eric, and it kills me to think I may loose total contact with him. And I know that this is mostly my fault because I don't activly pursue their friendships anymore, But I just can't do it, its unusual, because I'm not lonely, and I don't feel like I have to have friends, I mean I have Beau and he's fantastic, but What if I don't have Beau forever? And I think it is important to have friends, its just everytime I make a friend recently it seems like I find out later that friendship wasn't what I thought it was. But I'm just Bitching and Whining Because its the holiday's and I never seem to feel right during this time. Speaking of Holidays, so I took the necissary time off to spend christmas with my family, just to find out that My father has decided yet again that its not worth it to drive down and spend christmas with me. Too bad he didn't have the balls to call me and tell me, I had to call my grandmother to find out he changed his mind, he didn't even call or email me to let me know, I would have just gone down there with the blind faith that he would actually be there. But I know My father, and being a dad has never been his strong point. So now I must pack up all the gifts for him ,and his new family, and mail them to him. Fun stuff. And knowing my father, since he's not coming down for christmas, I can't expect a gift, or even a phone call on christmas day, so that just completes the holidays for me!!!
